She’s spent sixteen years studying human behavior and keeps running into the same pattern. People who’ve done the work, read the books, gone to therapy, still turn harsh on themselves the moment something goes wrong.

Dr. Femke Bakker, selfgentleness and meditation teacher, TEDx speaker, and researcher at Leiden University, sits down with Will to talk about why self-improvement so often becomes just another project to fail at, and what it actually takes to stop fixing yourself. They get into the belief that pushing through is the price of doing good work, why relaxing the body can feel uncomfortable before it feels good, and the honest answer to the people who worry that going gentle will dull their edge.

Femke also opens up about the reflex to say yes before you’ve decided you mean it, and the two-minute morning practice she still returns to herself. If you’ve ever felt like you’re back at square one, this conversation is for you.